crying desperately in bed alone was torturous. i did that for the full of 5 hellish hours last night.

and today, i went to school with the ring around my neck, instead of its usual spot on my finger. i couldnt bear looking at it whenever i write or i hold my hand up. but neither was i willing to leave home without it.

vk and i made it through the presentation this morning. we did well, considering we had all these emotions stirring within us. we refused to go home/go for lecture after the tutorial so we kept each other company and headed to town. it was awful trying to control ourselves from bursting into tears while roaming around town aimlessly. we tried to shop but neither of us could find any energy/mood to do so. vk caught a reflection of the both of us in the lift and we burst out laughing at ourselves – we looked like the deadliest walking dead in town. and halloween isnt even here yet!

then we caught Nights in Rodanthe. a nicholas sparks novel-based production, guaranteed tear-jerker. initially, we didnt thinkit was a wise choice for two brokenhearted souls to catch such a sad movie but there were no other films that seemed half as good. anyway the movie is a must-watch! erm, i fell asleep for 5mins after 15mins into the movie but that was because i was too tired and couldnt help myself. for the rest the movie, the two of us were sobbing & sniffing away into our cardigans. please please please watch the film. please.

and thank you vanessa kong for today. you thanked me for accompanying you, but i want to thank you too. i would not known how to get through the day without the companion today. i know its a scary thought that we can just sit side by side and burst into tears any second but we didnt let that happen, did we? (except for in the theater) so we both deserve a pat on our own backs.

he and i came to a compromise today. we would both prefer to stop fighting. neither of us wanted the fight to happen anyway but it always ends up like this lately. i know its unfair to him to judge everything he does now based on what he did, but i really hope i will not discover anymore things that are related to the her and fight all over again. i really do hope this can be the last time we will fall out over her.

i really want her out of my life. out of his life. she fucking insulted me previously and i did nothing but cried to myself. i need some fucking respect. if she comes up to confront me, fine, do it. i need to tell her what a bitch i think she is. which girl in the right mind will suggest to an ATTACHED guy to meet up early for breakfast and teach her maths before going to school. HE IS ATTACHED FOR GOD’S SAKE. i know this happened way back when we were 15, but if she can do that at 15, i dont know what she can do at 20. and i dont care what she fucking told her cousin about me which embarrassed me in front of my secondary school mates. i hope people around her open up their eyes and see and hear for themselves what their lovely friend did. i fucking hate her. FUCK im getting so agitated just by typing this paragraph. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. next to her, sim yi kuang will look like an angel.

& what the fuck is wrong with the world and love?! dont even start loving someone if you dont think you can love that person for the rest of your life. the world has enough broken hearts as it is. stop it already.